After 18 weeks of treatment for addiction at Broadway Lodge our anonymous client leaves and begins the next chapter of their journey and chooses to move into a dry house. The change in their mindset since their admission is incredible. They have used drugs for years and through being engaged in the programme and willing to change, they have unloaded a raft of negative emotions, been open and honest with staff and peers and have rediscovered their feelings and emotions. They’ve also shown compassion towards themselves and others.
When clients leave the safety and comfort of Broadway Lodge they will be at their most vulnerable so this client was given relapse prevention advice and support and strategies for the next stage of their recovery journey in the dry house. We wish them all the very best and are so proud of the progress they have made and for achieving over 100 days clean and sober. A day at a time.
Monday
Journal entry
“So I helped (fellow peer) bring his bags down and seen him off like some proud dad. Feeling a real connection with all in the house. Feeling like a real leader able to resolve petty issues maturely and to demand respect.
Feeling confident. And I’m so happy that I can take feedback/constructive criticism without that wave of emotion where I’d normally say something vicious and nasty – hurt them as much as possible. Because of my own insecurities and negative feelings and just a complete inability to deal with my emotions. Making what’s in my head and what’s missing in my heart and soul a projection, a view of the world and others. Full of judgment and self-pity. Thinking others had no right to be happy if I wasn’t. And I know why! I was ignorant to how to deal with it, I was looking in all the wrong places. I tried to fix my soul with material things and high paced jobs and if you make money and material things your measure of success don’t be surprised when it’s all you have left. Don’t use people and love things, use things and love people.”
Today I am grateful for: “Feeling alive. Clean and sober with love in my heart and soul. I feel myself growing. Recognise my natural ability to reflect and feel, rationalise. Life is not a miserable fight anymore. Feel like I’m finding myself, my true self.”
Significant event form
The most significant event of today was: “Culture lecture from Markkus and Charma and Jane’s session about what is our Higher Power and what it means to us.”
Why was it important to me? “Had a lovely bit of feedback from Markkus and Charma. Regarding the change in culture here at Broadway and how amazing it is how we have dealt with it. And how nice it is for staff to come to work at the moment. And there was a moment of serenity in the room and a genuine feeling of equality and oneness. Good class from Jane – love debating and understanding.”
Tuesday
Journal entry
“I’m feeling quite overwhelmed today in a good way, like I am going to overflow with positive emotions. And I’ve been reading the Dali Lama’s little book of peace and I’m getting a constant realisation I’ve been reading the wrong books, such as ‘Why e = me2’ and ‘why does it matter?’. A slow realisation of what spirituality means. And I’ve realised that a spiritual awakening is not a fleeting, momentary event. It’s exactly what it says – your spirit (love, empathy, compassion, joy etc.) waking up. And in Feelings Check, I felt it right to explain my understanding of my spiritual awakening. Not some ephemeral, ethereal apparition, rather a feeling of serenity, love. I also realise and understand drugs were never my problem rather a temporary solution and long-term detrimental destroyer of my heart and soul. It’s such an irony the opium poppy is called the ‘joy’ plant. And they talk about revelations, well I can’t understate what revelation it was for me to hear when I arrived that drink and drugs were not my problem. Well, when I was able to hear it after weeks of hell.”
Today I am grateful for: “My feelings, they are a barometer of what’s going on for me and as I listen and look at the steps it’s all making sense to me – a toolkit for living – a design for life. I am sooo grateful to myself today for choosing Broadway Lodge hundreds of miles from home, showing absolute courage and indomitable will. Going through hell, being tortured by aerobics etc I fucking held on all be it with my fingernails. Well done to me!!”
Significant event form
The most significant event of today was: “Group therapy. Mini group.”
Why was it important to me? “I was able to give good feedback and mediate somewhat between peers challenging each other without taking anything away from each party’s valid concerns and feelings. Also was able to give a peer the benefit of my experience regarding doing extra time at Broadway. Told him if it worked for me it can work for anyone.”
Wednesday
Significant event form
The most significant event of today was: “Well it came to light about myself and (peer’s) feelings and lust for each other. Markkus got us in the chapel and I instinctively knew as we walked behind him. Interestingly my conscience got the better of me and I thought I was a consummate liar. Whatever the outcome I found the maturity and courage to fess up. I couldn’t lie to Markkus and still expect respect. He looked at me man to man and I knew he knew I knew. It was a surreal experience and I wanted to run in Community Group. Instead I listened to how my actions had affected others in the house. I face going home which is unthinkable. Tell you what though, lust is a fucking powerful emotion!!!”
Thursday
Significant event form
The most significant event of the day was: “Community group – realisation I was out of treatment – something I had worked so so hard at.
Why was it important to me? “I’m so so sad that I’m leaving the place and staff that allowed me to change so much. The peers I’ve bonded with, that deep friendship that developed. A sense of loss of something I’ve not experienced before or felt. Though I am grateful it’s not a death sentence and Markkus found a way to allow me choice and I am taking that choice. A safe, warm dry house, clean and sober was unimaginable just a few weeks ago.”
